A Hollywood Life Unattained
[Content Warning: Mild adult situations, drug and alcohol references] Reflecting on the missed opportunities of my early career as a Hollywood actor. Not many people know I was the original James Evans on the hit 70s TV show, Good Times. Due to failed...
New Exploitive Southern Reality Shows On Cable
[Content Warning: Adult language and situations, drug and alcohol references] Tick Jokes Friday 2:00 AM on COMEDY 1 hr TV-14 Wannabe stand-up comics from West Virginia check each other for ticks after working an open mic night in a corn field. Mug Wars Wednesday 9:00...
You May Be Right. I May Be Crazy.
[Content Warning: Adult language and situations, drug and alcohol references, cultural stereotyping] When I was in high school, I idolized the kind of NY, Italian, street gang-guy I saw in celebs like Billy Joel and Stallone. I really wanted to be in a street gang,...
Prosecution Closing Arguments In The Billy Joel Fire Starter Trial
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, good morning. Throughout this trial, you have heard the defendant, Mr. William Martin Joel, steadfastly proclaim his innocence regarding the infamous fire that has captured all our attention. Yet, under oath, Mr. Joel himself admitted...
Samuel L. Jackson Orders a Subway Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich
[Content Warning: Strong adult language, adult sexuality and situations] Good afternoon, Debbie. Pay attention, because I’m about to order the greatest goddamn sandwich you’ve ever made in your short career at the Subway Corporation. How long you been here, baby?...
I Wish I Wasn’t Dead
[Content Warning: Adult language, adult situations, death] — by Wallace Thatcher Hogg 1842-1929 (as dictated to Harmony Rae, psychic medium, clairaudient) I want to state right from the start: I completely and without reservation wish I wasn’t dead. I mean it....
A 57 Year Old Man’s Sexual Diary
[Content Warning: Adult language, adult situations and sexuality, age-related humor] 6:00AM Morning wood! So awesome! I still got it! I could change a tire with this thing! 7:00AM This hot water feels good. Should have showered earlier. If I masturbate right...
Bloody Hell! (A True Story)
[Content Warning: Blood, discussion of violence, death and animal injury] Yesterday, when I came home from the studio, I noticed drops of blood on my front porch. I immediately joked, “Oh, look! A killer came to visit!” Then a darker thought struck: what if someone...
The Date (Sketch Comedy Script)
[Content Warning: Mild adult situations] Lights up in a restaurant. A couple, ANDREA and STEVEN, sit at a table reviewing menus. ANDREA: Have you decided what you’re having? STEVEN: It all looks great. Ooo, how about this—“Pan-Seared Filet Mignon with Garlic...
That’s Mine (Sketch Comedy Script)
[Content Warning: Mild adult language, violence, death] Lights up in an alleyway. A nicely dressed couple enters. RITA: Are you sure this is where you parked, Michael? MICHAEL: Positive. I always park in the alley next to the pawn shop when we go to the...
Why I Cannot Wear A Dress
[Content Warning: Blood, death]Late August of 1972, my entire family was brutally tortured, then slaughtered by a teal and beige casual sport dress. It was a thigh-length, sleeveless with round neckline and princess seams on the front and reverse. Authorities said the...
I Love You, You Freak.
[Content Warning: Mild adult language and situations]There’s a scene in the 1993 film Untamed Heart where Christian Slater’s character, Adam, casually admits to Marisa Tomei’s Caroline that he’s been sneaking into her bedroom to watch her sleep. Pause a moment to...
